The pain is nearly unbearable... I don't think she knows how much I care for her. It has almost been a week and a half, and no sign of her in any place. It's like leaving home without telling a close family member you're going on a trip and coming back and acting normal a week later. This is pretty much unfair... She gets to leave me, and I get to check my email every five minutes and scan my buddylist to see if I have even a concern or a shed of sympathy. Or a sign that she wants to talk to me. She knows I'd be available if she did sign on. So, I suppose she's purposefully not because she doesn't. Or she's too busy and I fell through the cracks because I'm not important enough to be on her to-do list. While I spend most of my day thinking about her, and trying to work towards the goal of seeing her by the end of the month. Granted, no one told me that I have to see her. No one told me that I had to work so hard to do it, or think about her. But still... A hello. A smile. A message. It's worth more than apathy, silence, and worry. I work hard out of love... I write her poetry out of love... I think about her because I love her... But does she love me? Today, I'm not so sure. I'm not so certain if it's me she loves. She did it before, ignoring me for 22 days, then coming back and talking to me as if she had a conversation with me the day before. Meanwhile I'm stuck in pain, not knowing anything... I never say this. Ever. And I mean ever. But this seems like it's just no fair... But I love her. I can't be angry with her, she works hard. I'm definately going to ask my heavenly Father about this, but...
In more recent news I've had the runs. The end. Hah.
