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Ah.

10.14.05 (8:05 am) [edit]

I'm new to sowing seeds. And I suffered a lot of frustration. I'm willing to take on the promised trials and tribulation. And I've taken it. The proud-hearted impatience, I've taken as a sower of seeds, fisher of men. New to it. I asked the Lord to reduce my time at Wal-Mart, but I didn't know what I was asking: He was disciplining me there to sow seeds. I'd serve thousands of people, young and old, nice and mean, tall and short, and I'd take their imperfections and believed in what Christ said about the world being full of darkness and the works of the flesh being complete truth, apparent.

But I just got frustrated, so I turned to the Word. Here's what's written:
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." That's me. I'm meek, I don't have anything. The Lord Jesus wants me to sow seeds, fish men, but He didn't give me excellent speech, didn't make me a good conversationalist. Didn't give me any sort of proper that I could use to sow seeds, that would help. I'm physically intimidating, my voice makes people afraid...

I was reading my sister Marley Exodus as a bed-time story lastnight, and I read when the Lord set up the signs for Moses, Moses pleaded with the Lord and said, Lord, I'm not eloquent with speech, I'm slow when I speak, and have a slow tongue. Like...! That's me!

I'm a Brit. Us Brits talk slow. And I have these terrible teeth, and my speech is just awful... I have a weird deep, dark voice.... How can I sow seeds? I said myself...

But the Lord said to Moses, "Who hath made man's mouth? Or who makes the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? Have not I the LORD?" He didn't give me those great talents for a reason.

If I would have had those things, it would actually get in the way of the kingdom. All of those Beatitudes Christ spoke about on the mountain, precious Lord Jesus, were about broken-hearted, contrite, poor people. They have nothing, so they're able to receive all things in Christ Jesus. If I had those things naturally, they would get in the way of the Kingdom of God, because if I tried to do it myself, my own ability gets in the way of the things of God. I'd count on myself or my own strength.

If counting on myself were anything Godly, I'd be the one to pay for my sins, meaning I'd go to hell and pay for them myself. But Christ didn't have it that way, He bore them on the cross Himself and everything is in, of, and through Him. Because my own right hand can't save me, I need Jesus. I need Him. The Kingdom of God isn't for the richest, bravest, most perfect people, it's for us, the world's losers.

And I'm thankful now that I see it that I can depend on the Lord above and not myself when sowing seeds.

Paul wasn't a loser. He was a full-blown Jew, Pharisee, expert in poetry and literature, excellent in speech, and a Roman, with high worldly status. When Christ called Paul to suffer for Him, Paul said, "I consider them rubbish that I may gain Christ." My smarts and sense of humor are trash! Blessed are those that don't have. And I want that to be me.

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