Each day I set at our bedside and stare at your picture. I'm wondering you'll come home. It's been 6 years since we've spoken to each other, Since you've left. Left me alone. My heart is broken, because I've waited for you so long. And you don't care to come home. Hope you haven't taken your last breath.
All I have of you are your signatures. I'm wondering if you still have love for me. I've been waiting quite a long time. Waiting to see you. To take notice of me. Please. My spirit aches, longing to have you back once more. Can't see when you're coming back, si I'll take a seat. Hope you there's still love left.
Last night was great. I was so tired. But, my sister and I had a lot of fun just playing around. My mum's ex-husband our enemy has run up thousands of dollars on her credit and we're in the process of clearing it for fraud, but they might have run up money on mine, too. I hope not. But if so, I know that Vengeance is of the Lord, He will repay. I will not speak evil of my enemy when he falls.
I wrote these 4-lined poems one day for a poetry contest for some library, but failed to submit them. It was supposed to be 4 lines of poetry about winter. Check them out!
[Falling stars delight the air and gather in clumps Of subzero magic decorating the residences of us all, Coating the window paine in portraits of micro-art, Causing pain for the old, happiness for the simple.]
[Dancing light of the moon upon her face, the sun never rises up on the dusty white dunes. Eternal chill raises hills upon her fair skin. The northern wind turning her smile to a frown.]
Why am I posting this? So that people that come here to seek God's truth will know that I am not one to hide from them. I am a disciple of Christ, and can be tested and proven to be who I claim to be by First John Chapter 4. Jesus said you'll know a disciple by his fruit, if he loves the way Jesus loves. God is so faithful and willing, that He sent Jesus, being in every whit, exactly like and equal to the Father, so that we might know Him; as a disciple, striving to be like Jesus Christ the author of my faith.
Who am I? I am 19 and 1/2 at the time of this blog.
Demograpic:
Birthday: March 21st
Favorites:
Food: Pie and Donuts and Cakes, all on the same level.
Color: This and that.
Book: Many, I am particularly fond of old holy books, nothing contemporary.
Author: The LORD God, the Holy Spirit, author of scripture
Book Genre: Anything of interest
Subjects: Math, Foreign Languages, Ancient languages, civilizations, or any knowledge I can use to further spread the Good News.
Genre of Movies: Any.
Movie: War of the Worlds
Actor/Actress: None. Possibly...nope. None.
TV Show: Inyuyasha
Song: Rite of Strings, Epilogue for Lisa by Shawn Lane, Nobuo Uematsu's Cloud Theme, Air on G String by Johann Sebastian Bach, A Lotus on Irish Stream by John McLaughlin, Speed-Metal Jazz by Marvin Mosher
Genre of Music: Guitar - Classical/Acoustic & Jazz
Home: Kingdom of heaven.
Personal:
Where was I born? England
London, England, a place called Battacy, SW8. Born and raised.
How many brothers and sisters do you have? 12.
What do you do for fun? Many, many things. Too many to list.
Deeper:
Drink Coffee? Yes, on occasion.
Where do you go to be alone? Thank the Lord I'm never alone. He's always with me
Do you stare at yourself when you brush your teeth? Yes.
Tonight... okay... Okay. Well. Okay... Right now... Okay. The Lord doesn't want me to talk so openly about the music I play for Him just yet, so I wont mention the music. I was talking to my mum about a conversation I had with Luke. Luke was saying how I might get better than my dad with guitar, even though I've never heard him play. So then I told my mum, yeah, Luke and I think the Lord wants me to get better than my dad. Then, I told her I'd tried reaching Eric so I could talk to him about my grandfather's guitar playing, but the line was always disabled, then the phone number it would redirect me to was always busy. So something told her to say, "Well you know, we still have one of the old records in the garage." So I went in there and in the old liquor-bar... I fingered around in there for a second, then grabbed a handful of records among a hundred or so records, and then yelled to my mum to make her believe, "Found it!" Then... "Just kidding!" Because she said, "Oh come on, you don't expect to just go in there and instantly find it," because there were so many. And I didn't think I did. Then I took a look at the records in my hand, and lo and behold, there it was! I was so amazed, because I knew then that it was by holy appointment from above that I go off into this side quest and discover one of my dad's songs, and just before I played it, the melody popped into my head! I could remember the music, not having heard it since I was 5, and now being able to sing it after hearing the title of the song, "Azania." Azania is an African name that my dad used to mean freedom of South Africa from some sort of slavery. I played the song, and I could hear the same slow-speeched man that would call me son over the phone long distances singing with a lot of passion and soul, and it was almost as if it wasn't him.
It was like...indescribable... After 16 years ago... to hear what my dad did back then. And to know what the Lord's trying to do for me now... I can't say much, but I am truly amazed, and supremely and absolutely humbled. And delighted! And with joy I'm going to train to praise the Lord Jesus Christ's name.
...so tired. Tried to study last night, but I worked so hard for so long, I fell asleep. I have a test in Chemistry today that the world didn't permit me to study for. But, I have prayer. I have bags under my eyes from not studying, but working. All day. All night. I've had and have forgotten many dreams. I don't like being at my current place of work. Because the world hates me without a cause. And my sister has started talking to strange men on the internet, and lying to them that she's 18. :-/ I feel very annoyed and ashamed with her that she has to lie, and that she has to try to get affection from these strangers. And they always only want one thing.
The strength from above in Jesus Christ sustains me today. As it did yesterday as I worked.
Today's going to be a very long day. I prayed and asked the Lord to help me with this Chemistry test today. I'm trying hard now. I have two tests tomorrow also. But these things are unimportant and miniscule to the spiritual, more important things that are happening: my sister's sins, my mum getting frustrated over business, not being able to reach my dad on the phone, Luke...
1. Eros - Though the New Testament never used this word, the word describes the type of love that Rebekah had when she first saw Isaac over in Genesis 24. 2. Philios - This is like a friendship, a love that has a necessity. "I love you because..." "I love you if..." It is a love based on a need for the other person, self-oriented. 3. Storges - This is a love one would have for their family. "I love you like a brother because you're my brother." "I love you because you're my wife."
The fourth is the most important, that I will explain the most. 4. Agape - Otherwise known as charity, this is the pure, without form love mentioned in First Corinthians Chapter 13, Verse 4. This is the ultimate love that Christ taught to the disciples, the one that you test to see if someone's a true disciple or not. I'll explain this one and why it is the most important. And why the other loves die without Agape.
"Love is patient, love is kind; Love doesn't envy; Love is not boastful, is not proud," "It does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil;" "Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;" "Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." First Corinthians Chapter 13, Verse 4.
This definition is on key-chains, mugs, refridgerator magnets... But how about this next definition of love?
"We are of God: he that knows God hears us; he that is not of God hears us not. Hereby know we the spirit of truth [Holy Spirit], and the spirit of error [Satan]." "Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God." "He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." "In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him." "Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son [to be] the propitiation for our sins." First John Chapter 4, Verse 8.
In both of these scriptural definitions of love, the word for "love" that we would equate in English is the word "agape" in Greek, destinct from these other forms of love. What is interesting to note is that in Paul's definition of Love, the word isn't used as an adjective as it is in English, it's used as a verb. "Love is patient-ing, love is kind-ing." --
I live in Saint Pete, Florida. If you study the weather maps and the weather reports, hurricane Katrina should have crossed through Florida at a curve and, headed straight for the Tampa Bay area pinpoint, cut right through us before it would hit anything. But, at the last minute, it veered to the left, almost as if it went right around us. And I am EVER so thankful. The Holy Spirit saved me again, and my family. I'm so thankful to the Lord for helping us, and for having mercy on us, because if it would have category 5-ed as it hit here and gave Saint Petersburg the same destruction as it did Louisianna... I can't finish that sentence. But, His mercy is why I'm still alive now. It's no longer me who lives, but Christ through me! And my life is His, because He spared me.
